Sourdough Herb Stuffing
For the rest of us who enjoy stuffing that WASN’T cooked in a bird’s ass, carb load up with our Sourdough Herb Stuffing. You’ll need your energy to flip the table when Nana starts in on the election. You're next Uncle Jim, nobody was even talkin about taxes.
Cut up the bread into cubes no bigger than a bottle cap. We like sourdough but use whateverthefuck you want. Just make sure it’s stale, almost like croutons. You could cut it up the day before to speed up the staleness. If your bread is too soft, toss that shit in the oven around 250 degrees and stir it around every 10 minutes while you cut up the veggies. In about 20 minutes the bread should be choice.
Heat the oven to 375 degrees. Lightly oil a 9 by 13 baking dish and set that shit aside. Chop up the onions, celery, and mushrooms so that all the pieces are about the size of a chickpea. You wanna aim for about 5 cups of chopped onions, 2 cup chopped celery, and 3 cups chopped mushrooms. In a skillet or wok heat up some olive oil over a medium heat and sauté the onions for about 5 minutes with a pinch of salt, or until they look translucent . Add the celery and mushrooms and cook for another 5 minutes until all the veggies start getting soft. Add the herbs, fresh garlic, salt, and pepper and cook for another minute. Add the white wine and let all that shit simmer for 2 more minutes so the flavors can all mix together. Turn off the heat and sprinkle over the garlic powder.
In a big ass bowl, add all the veggies and liquid from the skillet to the bread and mix it all together. Pour the vegetable broth and the 2 tablespoon of olive oil over the whole thing and mix that shit up good so that everything is coated. Pour all that into the baking dish. Cover that with foil and bake it for 20 minutes. Your place will start smelling pretty fucking dope. After 20 minutes, remove the foil, gently stir that shit around, and bake it for another 15-20 minutes until there are some crispy parts. Take it out, add the lemon juice over the whole thing, mix it up, and taste. Add more thyme, salt, pepper, whatever you need to get it right by you. Serve warm.
Cranberry and Quinoa Pilaf with Roasted Brussels Sprouts
"I HATE BRUSSEL SPROUTS" - someone who's never had our brussel sprouts
PUT.THE.FUCKING.CAN.OPENER.DOWN. Trust us on this shit. Just look at the sugar content in that canned cranberry crap THEN check the serving size. GODDAMN RIGHT?!
We don't need to sell y'all on gravy. This shit sells itself. Gravy is king of the holiday foods but great year-round on biscuits with some wilted greens. If you're lazy, just pour it on some toast.
Are you tired of spending every Thanksgiving watching your family shove their hands up a dead bird’s ass? If only there was a better way...
Winter Vegetable Hominy Hash en Croute
Once a year people do this weird thing and get all fucking jazzed about eating a big ass bird that looks like a poor-man’s peacock. If turkey really tasted that good then everyone would be cooking those fuckers year round.