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COLON CANCER AIN'T FUCKING AROUND. You gotta eat more broccoli bc it's like a toothbrush for your asshole. It's way more effective and a HELLUVALOT CHEAPER than a juice cleanse.

Forget buying some nasty ass scented candles to make it smell like Fall. Bake a batch of this badass bread and your place will smell dope as hell.

SWEET TAP DANCING MOSES WHY IS IT SO HOT IN MAY? EARTH, YOU OKAY BUDDY? Keep your core temp down this unusually warm-as-balls spring with a bowl of our cold sesame noodles.

BUFFALO HAVE BALLS NOT WINGS, so you know this meal is legit. When was the last time you had a kick in the fucking taste buds? These spicy sons of bitches are high in heat but low in fat because they’re baked not fried.

These protein packed bites are the snack equivalent of putting on gym clothes but never actually going.

Don’t use Halloween as an excuse to count a big ass bag of mediocre candy as a snack. You know damn well that shit is just going to fuck with your stomach. Instead calm your cravings with this coconut caramel dip.

From October to New Years this sweet and savory sauce gets drizzled on JUST.ABOUT.EVERY.GODDAMN.THING but especially fruit.

Tired of the same old mayo-mess of pasta salad spoiling in the summer sun? Ditch that cream colored bullshit and get with this fiber rich son of a bitch.

When it comes to something as essential as tacos, don't settle for some soggy sodium shell. Instead try these Jackfruit Carnitas for tacos, burritos, a salad, or just stand over the pot and go to town. NO JUDGEMENT.

This holiday season don't just stay warm, PUT A ROARING FUCKING FIREPLACE IN YOUR GUT. BREATHE FIRE. SLAY THE HOLIDAYS. DRINK RESPONSIBLY BITCHES.