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A creamy, easy as hell salad dressing that comes together faster than your roommate can wash the lettuce.

recipe available in BAD MANNERS: Eat Like You Give A Fuck

Burgers are so bland that’s why you basically gotta dress that shit up with a salad after you grill it. CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MEAT AND JUST GRILL A SALAD. 

So you bought a pomegranate because it's in season but you dunno what the fuck do with it? SALAD SAUCE. Everybody needs to be eating more salad, make that shit extra fancy with this simple pomegranate vinaigrette. 

Whether you’re spending Valentine’s Day with your significant other or your own sexy self, you’ve gotta fucking eat. But skip the expensive-ass restaurant and predictable chocolate covered whatever.

Ya know how you lied and said you’d actually bring something to the party this time? FUCKING DO IT. Did someone else bring a pasta salad?

For the rest of us who enjoy stuffing that WASN’T cooked in a bird’s ass, carb load up with our Sourdough Herb Stuffing. You’ll need your energy to flip the table when Nana starts in on the election.

COLON CANCER AIN'T FUCKING AROUND. You gotta eat more broccoli bc it's like a toothbrush for your asshole. It's way more effective and a HELLUVALOT CHEAPER than a juice cleanse.