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You mean to tell me there’s some motherfucker that builds toys in his house on a sheet of ice all year then delivers them in one night and you’re just gonna fucking offer him store-bought cookies?

GRAPEFRUIT HOT TODDY AKA HUG IN A MUG AKA DOCTORS ORDERS AKA COLD CRUSHER

NO SHIT IT'S HOT, IT'S FUCKING SUMMER. Pull yourself together, go find some shade, and kick back with spiked citrus iced tea.

THIS IS A PEANUT BUTTER CUP IN THE SIZE YOU ALWAYS WANTED BUT WERE TOO ASHAMED TO ASK FOR DON'T WORRY YOU'RE NOT ALONE THERE ARE MILLIONS OF US OUT THERE PEANUT BUTTER CUP JUNKIES RISE UP 

Don't settle for a boring breakfast. You deserve a better start to your day and this tea steeped toast is gonna get you noshing like nobility.